Four Days to Family – What’s in a Name? (Chapter 6, part 3)

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“Who knows a man’s name, holds that man’s life in his keeping.” ― Ursula K. Le Guin, A Wizard of Earthsea

Another IM came up from AKRONOH. “Call your adopted Mom and ask her what your birth name was. I am going to email you a list of baby girls born on your date of birth.”

9:33pm

The momentum and urge to continue intensified. I had another name, a birth name. I looked at the time and realized it was early enough that my Mom would still be awake. She usually was up until at least eleven reading her giant stacks of Harlequin Romances. I found the phone in the room and started to dial, all the while watching for the email.

“Hello”.

“Mom, it’s Chrissy.”

“Hi Honey.  How are you? Budd and I helped make pierogi for the church picnic. We made another 240 dozen since we sold out last year.”

Normally, I enjoyed hearing the day to day playback from my Mom, but right now was different. I couldn’t shake the urging that time was of the essence, and I wanted to get right to the point. And just how many pierogi is 240 dozen?!

“Mom, I have to ask you a question and I really need your help.”

“Okay,” Mom replied with a question in her voice.  “You know I will do whatever I can to help you.”

“Mom… what is my birth name?” I held my breath as I posed the question.

“Chrissy, your name is Christine Marie, after your Tita…”

I abruptly cut her off. “No, my birth name. The name I had when you adopted me.”

“Honey, what on earth are you talking about?” Mom sounded a bit concerned, as if I was undergoing some stress causing me to be fragile.

I began trying to give her the cliff notes version of my day. “Mom – I have a birthname. The search angel says that you would know it. You have to tell me what it is,” I begged.

My Mom responded with great sadness in her voice. “Honey, I honestly don’t know. The only name I know for you is the one we gave you. I have no idea what your birthname would be. I am so sorry, I wish I could help.” I could hear in her voice how much it pained her to her core to be unable to help me with something I so desperately wanted.

In that split moment, my heart and spirits dropped – another dead end. I reluctantly looked up at the computer screen, and saw one new email from AKRONOH, and my pulse raced.

“Mom, wait a minute, I just got an email from the search angel.”

“Well, what does it say?!” Leona responded with excitement.

“Hold on, let me read it to you”.

I doubled clicked the email and began to read aloud.

“Subject: Possible birth names

Date:7/26/03  9:41PM Eastern Daylight Time

From: AkronOhioAdoptee

To: Mermade1968

Here are the 12 people born on your dob. One of them is most likely you…”

My voice began to get strangled in my throat as tears welled up in my eyes. “My God – one of these is me” I breathed.

“Well I’ll be damned,” my mother’s voice broke through my shock in the receiver at my ear. “Keep reading, keep reading…” she urged.

I smiled as I wrapped myself in my mother’s words and support. What would I do without her?! I continued reading the email.

“Yes call and find out what your first name at birth was. And then we will have your birthmom’s last name don’t mention that you are looking for Bmom  I will also do some checking on these last name for a female born in 1951 with one of these last names look for the next letter that says non id letter Check out all those questions on that letter Warm Wishes,

Scroll down …”

“Why doesn’t she want you to tell me you are looking for your birthmother?”

“I don’t know. I guess she thinks maybe you won’t tell me my birthname… you really don’t know it?”

“No, Chrissy,” Mom replied. “You know I would give it to you if I had it. I have always done what I can to help you when you look.”

I could hear the hurt in my Mom’s voice, and I also knew she was right. My mother always helped me in any way she could, even if it meant she would experience sorrow from it.

“I know Mom, it’s just … one of these names is me….” My voice trailed off as I stared at the list of names again, burning them into my memory. They marched down the screen like prisoners in a concentration camp – lost and alien in their surroundings:

Greene, Regina M.            WAS BORN ON 03/08/1968

** THE MOTHER”S MAIDEN NAME IS;

Greene

Hardrick, Saleema M.       WAS BORN ON 03/08/1968

** THE MOTHER”S MAIDEN NAME IS;

Hardrick

Jett, N/I N/I           WAS BORN ON 03/08/1968

** THE MOTHER”S MAIDEN NAME IS;

King

Jones, Aretha N/I  WAS BORN ON 03/08/1968

** THE MOTHER”S MAIDEN NAME IS;

Jones

Oppenheimer, Julia L.      WAS BORN ON 03/08/1968

** THE MOTHER”S MAIDEN NAME IS;

Oppenheimer

Patel, Meenati D.  WAS BORN ON 03/08/1968

** THE MOTHER”S MAIDEN NAME IS;

Patel

Pettis, Shon L.       WAS BORN ON 03/08/1968

** THE MOTHER”S MAIDEN NAME IS;

Pettis

Reed, Patricia A.  WAS BORN ON 03/08/1968

** THE MOTHER”S MAIDEN NAME IS;

Reed

Taylor, Tami M.    WAS BORN ON 03/08/1968

** THE MOTHER”S MAIDEN NAME IS;

Taylor

Townsley, Sharon A.         WAS BORN ON 03/08/1968

** THE MOTHER”S MAIDEN NAME IS;

Townsley

Tucker, Deirtris D.           WAS BORN ON 03/08/1968

** THE MOTHER”S MAIDEN NAME IS;

Tucker

Underwood, Angelique M.            WAS BORN ON 03/08/1968

** THE MOTHER”S MAIDEN NAME IS;

Underwood

After thirty-five years of imagining and wondering, here was my possible identity and ethnicity staring me in the face – twelve possible paths to understanding where I came from. Overwhelmed with the shock and amazement of being on the brink of crumbling the wall that blocked my view of myself for a lifetime, I was speechless.

“Chrissy… honey, are you still there?”